Happy Birthday Pictures!

Here are some more pics of Ky. He is 2 months old today!

Centennial Weekend in Munday

This past weekend we all went to my hometown to take part in the 100 year birthday of Munday Texas. My mom, Karen Longan, was the writer/director of the centennial musical and she and my dad served as the chairmen of the centennial committee. It was a hectic weekend including all kinds of activities including a brisket feed by the Munday Fire Department (my dad is the Fire Chief), a dedication, a show, and a street dance among other things...

The play was great fun and our entire family had roles including Kybear. Here is a picture if us in costume. The guy and little boy on the far left are Moonie and Towns, his son. Moonie came in from Austin to meet the family. I am afraid he saw our loonie side. Towns had a big time and even got a real fireman hat and rode a pony and took a ride in a firetruck.

Even my grandmother and great aunt were in the play. The muscial told the story of a divided town in the early 1900's that was literally moved together-by a team of horses. The play was historical but my mother added a love story, music, poetry and depth by mixing actual historic characters with fictious characters with names from our family( Tommie Mae, Billy Barlow, Little Will, Sonnie Boy, etc). There was a stage coach, horses, bar fights, a tornado, and an a UFO sighting ( just kidding... nothing ever happens on mars) It was agreat success but Dr. Phil stiffed us all. Darn you Phil McGraw, you will go to a very, very dark cave where none of your friends are.

Ky was 8 weeks on Sunday and weighs about 11.5 pounds now. Here are some pictures of him in the adorable outfit given by Aunt K-K and Aunt Andy.

Closing out the second month...

Talk about changes...

At the beginning of the month, Ky was still pretty tiny. He cried and fussed a bit more than we expected but lately he has grown comfortable with his little "routine". He is smiling more and seems interested in the world around him. He seems much bigger and I am constantly discovering clothes that he has already outgrown.

But, Iam REALLY falling in love with my baby. I know it would seem like I fell in love with him a long time ago... and I did. I have loved Kyson as much as I could. However, I am speaking of something totally different. Before now, I honestly must say that my LOVE for Ky was as much as it could be. But, I could only love as big as my understanding would allow. Like a vessel, my ability to love is growing, I have been expanded and my heart has more room for love now. When he was merely a positve pregnancy test to me, I loved him maybe a dixie cup. When he was first born, I loved him as big as a barrell. And now, I feel like a lake. Instead of filling up, my heart expands as revelation comes to me. It gets deeper and wider ...and softer.

Then, on this other level, another change has happened in me. My anxiety has started to go away. All the worries about being a mother, Ky's happiness, his health, my house, our financial future, and so forth have really prevented me from really getting "it." My fretting prevented me from REALLY seeing this miracle clutching at me, staring up at me, smiling at me.

I have learned that in order for me to love Ky the way he needs to be loved, I need to forget about the "noise"and just be...

...just be there to stare at his fuzzy little head when he is sleeping

...just be there to to rock him and hold him as long as he wants

...just be there sing to him, read to him, play with him, and tell him I love him everyday

...just be there to watch him grow and learn and try and fail and win and loose...

--I must be his calm and safe place.

Raising my son isn't a list of "things to do" or a schedule of feedings and nap-times. It is something deeper, richer, and subject to no certain parenting philosphy. I have finally stepped through the fog...

I really love this baby boy of mine.

Not taking it personally...

My baby, Kyson, has a way of crying that sounds like he is scolding us... sort of a "ugh...ugh...agh...agh..." sound. He also has this "hee-hee"breathing thing that sounds like he is winding up for a howl. When he does howl, it sounds like a blood-curdling war cry and he punches and kicks like Jackie Chan... Of course the quivering chin makes it all very cute...



Somedays, after hours of this, it can seem like he very much hates the world and is demanding to be held just so, and walked for a while... A parent with no sleep (that's me) must pray...

It's hard not to take it personally if you can't see past the moment.

I have had a hard time seeing past the moment.

I can't see all the giggles and smiles and gleeful runs to Mommy right now. All I know is that when Baby ain't happy, Mommy ain't at peace.


Luckily, I am not dealing with colic or true distress...just a cranky little boy with a lot of spirit. We named him Kyson because we believe he is a little fighter. (Kyson means courageous leader.)
And he is certainly on track to fulfill that order--it seems he has a little bit of a strong-will.

During these times of overwhelming fatigue, it's great to have a husband who will step up and rock him, change him, let me sleep, feed him, pray over him, and best of all-Wes isn't at all thrown by his bouts of fussiness. He is the best new father I have ever seen. And, I am truly blessed... and Kyson is too... Otherwise all he would see somedays is a crying mommy!

Oh yeah.. here are the AMAZING ANTS, Andrea and Kandis, back in town to visit the Ky.

Week of Firsts...

Ky and I are doing this new thing...
I put him down and then he cries
I pick him and all is right...
If I am lucky, I call fool him into sleeping somewhere else besides my arms...but never more than 15 mins. at a time...

Thus, the reason for the negtlected blog...

Among other things...

Ky is already ahead of the class! He is reaching baby milestones left and right. This week he:

turned over

started "razzing"

learned to put both hands to together
raised his head off the floor at a 45 degree angle
and best of all---HE SMILED FOR REAL! Wow, so cool.

also Wes said he giggled but i don't believe it.

Below is how I have to work on my computer... Ky bear in my lap.

On Being a Mom...

I have been a real momma for 5 weeks and I am still trying to wrap my brain around it.

After years of habitual me-centeredness and people-pleasing, it's hard to let my self believe that spending time with Ky is most important... even more important than a spotless house.

I like being a mom, eventhough I don't really know if I am doing anything "right"

I like being a mom, because it changed my whole brain when Ky was born. The world seems way different... and it is worth being tired and having stretch marks.

I like being a mom because I am beginning to understand my mom a little better now...

I like being a mom because I won't feel dumb about renting all those cool animated movies that I have missed over the last few years.

I like being a mom because I will get to discover the whole world all over again... the taste of ice cream... the smell of coffee... the sensation of riding a merry-go-round... Christmas.... through little Ky's eyes.

I like being a mom because my Mom is has more interest in the "goings on" here in BG than before.

I like being a mom, because of the way he already has begun to look at me...