I am sitting here at home with my two boys asleep and finally my house is quiet. I think about all sorts of things but my mind gravitates towards my little anxieties. Usually, I am anxious about stuff that I need to do, like fold laundry or wash dishes. I worry about other stuff like my husband's job security, my weight, and how long my dog, Darla, will live. (I can't really rest when I obsess like this...)
THEN, my mind jumps over into other areas such as politics, the environment, or how bad I hate the way that "economic progress" has inflated the bank accounts of corporate America while it has nearly killed our small towns. I feel guilty for shopping at Walmart but can't afford to go "granola" right now... I agonize over the price of gas. I worry about whether we should start stock-piling food, water, and cash just in case the whole country falls through the floor. I think about the natural disasters that seem to happen everyday and all those are suffering from them. I think about people who have lost a child. I think about Israel, Iran, Sudan and the war in Iraq. I think about people that I know with cancer. I think about those who are in pain and those who are alone in nursing homes, hospitals, and on the street. I think about all the kids having sex and doing horrible things just to feel wanted or valued. I stew over gay marriage and the abortion issue--BOTH ARE ABOMINATIONS but what does fretting change?
Then, I fret about the status of the public school system and the lack of decency in our culture. I look at our celebrity obsessed, entertainment hungry, and materialistic population and ask where are the independent thinkers?
I look at the American church and watch as it's back-bone turns to silly putty and it's behavior becomes more like the world. I hear my Christian friends talking about pastors that are teaching "Oprah" style positive thinking, pseudo-new age stuff...
I just go on and on and here and there I stress over what I am going to cook for supper and beat myself up for not getting more done on my "to do" list...
Are you tired? I am.
Then, I see my boys and ask,"What kind of world have I brought you into?"
What kind of mess will it be in when they are grown? If worse comes to worse, will they suffer? Will they be persecuted? Will they turn away from God? Will they have the strength to go against the cultural flow? How long can I protect their innocence?
It is enough to drive me to drink! (... I mean drink a lot.)
But, God let Moses get backed up against the Red Sea before He rescued His children. So, I guess all this ANXIETY has a purpose, maybe. After all, Rack, Shack, and Benny had to actually go into the furnace, didn't they? ...Daniel actually spent the whole night inside the Lion's den, didn't he?...And Jesus had to go through MAJOR stress (remember he sweat blood) and worse before he was done, right?
I can only go forward with courage because I know how it all turns out... I can face these questions and worries because everything is temporary. All this YUCK is going to disappear...
9 comments:
I agree. I am in the same "anxiety" boat you are in, girl. Keep your head up. It works out for those Who do love Him.
Spencer
I was tired and looked at your blog for a bit of uplifting...now I am really tired! :-) Then I think about what is really important in life...God, family, friends. As I watch the hand of God over the past two weeks I am reminded of the verse in Phil. that says, "Don't worry about anything but pray about everything..." why do things have to be life threatening for us to get serious and cry out to God? Just wondering. I love you Kacy. wilma
I thought of your post today as I was spending time soaking in the Psalms. Psalm 9:15-20, "The nations have sunk in the pit that they made; in the net that they hid their own foot has been caught. The Lord has made himself known; he had executed judgment; the wicked are snared in the work of their own hands. The wicked shall return to Sheol; all the nations that forget God. For the needy shall not always be forgotten, and the hope of the poor shall not perish forever. Arise, O Lord! Let not man prevail; let the nations be judged before you! Put them in fear, O Lord! Let the nations know that they are but men!"
What promise and hope I found in these verses. He will not let them go unpunished and He will not forget the afflicted! AMEN AMEN!
Not all who wander are lost. I disagree with almost everthing you expressed as an opinion in this post, and I sincerely hope your anxiety is quenched with action, not words.
You are certainly entitled to your opinion as well. I hope your offense was quenched by posting to my blog. Lemme guess... it was the ABORTION and GAY thing, right? You really have a problem with that, not with the rest of my post. Am I right?
Hi Sweetie! Sending you lots of love. Know that my prayers and love are with you and one of the thoughts that keeps me going is the one that created us is the one that sustains us. All the crazyness in the world is only a "dirt devil" on God's vast open plains. I too really like the picture you posted of the ship of butterflies. Maybe there can be a message for us in it. On the vast ocean of His Divine love we are being carried and are transforming. Another thing that helps me when i come across the disturbing news in our world is just to turn it into my prayer list.
Remember sweetie, any time you want to reach out, i am here for you.
Auntie Marci
Looks like you've been wandering around in my mind...sleepless nights, a myriad of thoughts. My only consolation is that God knows the ending and is in control.
Kacy, this is Ronda from Kansas, your Aunt Marci's friend. I enjoyed reading your blog. I was saying "AMEN!" to a lot of it only because I truly felt I was reading my own story. I too have to battle with worry and anxiety. Here is when you know it's bad...I worry about worrying. I know God tells me not to worry but it's hard for me to stop some times. When I feel myself overwhelmed I turn to Him to find peace and rest. There are times I have to cry out to him over and over again all within the same day. I know with two little ones it's hard to find time to call out to the Lord, but read Psalm 107, it's one of my favorite books that has carried me through my kids young years and through difficult days. It gives four different examples of people in peril, lost in the desert, sick, imprisoned, and in a terrible storm at sea. In each example they cry out to the Lord and He delivers them. When I'm feeling overwhelmed, anxious, spread thin, tired, exhausted, lost, I cry out to the Lord and say "Help!" I know that is all I have to say sometimes. He knows my heart, He knows my troubles, He loves me, and my faith is He will deliver me.
Thanks for your heart-felt, honest, amazing blog!
Ronda
Just wait until you have a 13 year old! The worry and anxiety escalate because you see their growth and realize it won't be long until they spread their wings and leave yor nest. Then you look at what they will soon head into, the situations and people they will encounter, and it gets quite scarey. I'm with you Kacy, feeling the same worries and concerns. I find myself praying and praising more each day.
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