Wednesday, June 21, 2006
Closing out the second month...
Talk about changes...
At the beginning of the month, Ky was still pretty tiny. He cried and fussed a bit more than we expected but lately he has grown comfortable with his little "routine". He is smiling more and seems interested in the world around him. He seems much bigger and I am constantly discovering clothes that he has already outgrown.
But, Iam REALLY falling in love with my baby. I know it would seem like I fell in love with him a long time ago... and I did. I have loved Kyson as much as I could. However, I am speaking of something totally different. Before now, I honestly must say that my LOVE for Ky was as much as it could be. But, I could only love as big as my understanding would allow. Like a vessel, my ability to love is growing, I have been expanded and my heart has more room for love now. When he was merely a positve pregnancy test to me, I loved him maybe a dixie cup. When he was first born, I loved him as big as a barrell. And now, I feel like a lake. Instead of filling up, my heart expands as revelation comes to me. It gets deeper and wider ...and softer.
Then, on this other level, another change has happened in me. My anxiety has started to go away. All the worries about being a mother, Ky's happiness, his health, my house, our financial future, and so forth have really prevented me from really getting "it." My fretting prevented me from REALLY seeing this miracle clutching at me, staring up at me, smiling at me.
I have learned that in order for me to love Ky the way he needs to be loved, I need to forget about the "noise"and just be...
...just be there to stare at his fuzzy little head when he is sleeping
...just be there to to rock him and hold him as long as he wants
...just be there sing to him, read to him, play with him, and tell him I love him everyday
...just be there to watch him grow and learn and try and fail and win and loose...
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2 comments:
What a handsome baby boy!!!
wow. he is already so much bigger. He looks healthy. I am so happy you have this website.
GREAT WORDS, KACE!
Love-
Melissa
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