I am sitting here at home with my two boys asleep and finally my house is quiet. I think about all sorts of things but my mind gravitates towards my little anxieties. Usually, I am anxious about stuff that I need to do, like fold laundry or wash dishes. I worry about other stuff like my husband's job security, my weight, and how long my dog, Darla, will live. (I can't really rest when I obsess like this...)
THEN, my mind jumps over into other areas such as politics, the environment, or how bad I hate the way that "economic progress" has inflated the bank accounts of corporate America while it has nearly killed our small towns. I feel guilty for shopping at Walmart but can't afford to go "granola" right now... I agonize over the price of gas. I worry about whether we should start stock-piling food, water, and cash just in case the whole country falls through the floor. I think about the natural disasters that seem to happen everyday and all those are suffering from them. I think about people who have lost a child. I think about Israel, Iran, Sudan and the war in Iraq. I think about people that I know with cancer. I think about those who are in pain and those who are alone in nursing homes, hospitals, and on the street. I think about all the kids having sex and doing horrible things just to feel wanted or valued. I stew over gay marriage and the abortion issue--BOTH ARE ABOMINATIONS but what does fretting change?
Then, I fret about the status of the public school system and the lack of decency in our culture. I look at our celebrity obsessed, entertainment hungry, and materialistic population and ask where are the independent thinkers?
I look at the American church and watch as it's back-bone turns to silly putty and it's behavior becomes more like the world. I hear my Christian friends talking about pastors that are teaching "Oprah" style positive thinking, pseudo-new age stuff...
I just go on and on and here and there I stress over what I am going to cook for supper and beat myself up for not getting more done on my "to do" list...
Are you tired? I am.
Then, I see my boys and ask,"What kind of world have I brought you into?"
What kind of mess will it be in when they are grown? If worse comes to worse, will they suffer? Will they be persecuted? Will they turn away from God? Will they have the strength to go against the cultural flow? How long can I protect their innocence?
It is enough to drive me to drink! (... I mean drink a lot.)
But, God let Moses get backed up against the Red Sea before He rescued His children. So, I guess all this ANXIETY has a purpose, maybe. After all, Rack, Shack, and Benny had to actually go into the furnace, didn't they? ...Daniel actually spent the whole night inside the Lion's den, didn't he?...And Jesus had to go through MAJOR stress (remember he sweat blood) and worse before he was done, right?
I can only go forward with courage because I know how it all turns out... I can face these questions and worries because everything is temporary. All this YUCK is going to disappear...
